Thursday, June 3, 2010

Denim underwear and fuzzy boots

Fashion has never made any sense to me. I will never understand why anyone would wear clothes that are obviously uncomfortable, just for the sake of being trendy. High heels, for example, have always baffled me. Do you really think you're fooling anyone into thinking you're taller?

At the risk of sounding like an old man, I must shake my fist in the air and say, "Kids these days!"

I was reminded of modern fashion today as I was walking downtown. I saw a young woman sauntering down the street wearing jean shorts that were so small, they can only be described as denim underwear. This I get (kind of). If you're a young woman with great legs, I say show them off. However, the thought process that goes through this woman's mind as she gets dressed boggles my mind. I can picture her standing in front of a mirror, contemplating what to wear:

"Hmmm...what goes with really tight, small jean shorts? I know! Knee-high fuzzy boots!"

For God's sake, pick a season and go with it. Boots are for winter, shorts are for summer. Why not cap off the outfit with a poncho and a rake? That way you'll be prepared for every season! Seriously, would that be any more ridiculous looking? Perhaps, but only a little.

Another fashion that I will never understand are these "half-shirts" that I've seen. I'm not talking about t-shirts that stop at your belly button (but I really don't get those either; who wants a cold stomach?). I'm talking about the shirts that are really only the front of a shirt with a little string in the back to hold it on. Do woman think that men will find them more attractive if they get to see their spinal column? As a man, I can tell you that I have never seen a girl in a half-shirt and thought, "Wow! Look at the back on her!" Wait, that's not completely true. In this case, though, "back" means something else entirely (think Sir Mix-A-Lot).

Speaking of back, I have one last thing to say to women everywhere. If you are wearing shorts with something written across your ass, you are not allowed to get angry at me for trying to read it. Literacy is important. Why would you buy shorts with the word JUICY written in huge, pink letters on the butt, if not to make sure people would notice it?

I will no longer allow people to accuse men of objectifying women. They're doing just fine objectifying themselves. What else would you expect from a generation of young women whose role models were Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie?

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