Saturday, November 20, 2010

Shopping Carts and Common Sense

To the three people that actually read my blog (one of whom is my mom):

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written anything. Now that I'm a college student, I really just don't have the time or energy to be as angry as I used to be. However, there is a very important topic I would like to discuss today.

Every Saturday morning, my girlfriend, my son and I go grocery shopping. And every Saturday morning, I am astounded by the number of people that do not understand how to push a shopping cart.

It's really not that complicated. Just follow the same rules you would use while driving. Wait a second...I just realized that the people who can't push a cart are probably the same people who can't drive. Here are four simple rules to follow while shopping with a cart.

1) Stay to the right! This rule should also apply to hallways, stairways, and just about everything else.

2) Do not leave your cart unattended. You may find items in your cart that you didn't intend to purchase. I encourage everyone reading this to place random, preferably embarrassing items into any unattended shopping cart you find (i.e. tampons, condoms, or Brad Paisley CDs).

3) Do not stop in the middle of the aisle with your cart perpendicular to the shelves. All you're doing is proving to the rest of the world that you're a self-absorbed idiot.

4) Every grocery store I have ever been to has many convenient places to put your cart when you're finished using it. It kind of makes me sad that people are unable or unwilling to walk an extra 30 feet to put their cart away. It's no wonder this country is so fat.

It really is that simple. If you follow these rules, chances are I won't hate you.

If anyone is wondering what to get me for Christmas, I would really like a ticket book. I can not imagine anything as awesome as issuing a fake citation to the next idiot I see.


  1. You are hilarious! I also find it really annoying when people stop in the middle of the aisle or then weave all over the place so you can't pass them. You should really write some kind of 'rule book for idiots' with these kind of common sense issues. But then again the people who really need it probably wouldn't be smart enough to buy it, huh? :)

    And hey, I have a solution to your number 4. In Finland you have to deposit 2 euros (about 3 bucks) in the cart in order to use it....then when you return it, the money pops back out. Not a bad idea, huh? I swear, this country is full of good ideas...and not so many fat people. :)

  2. Yaaaaaaa! Another blog! I've missed your thoughts

  3. Did you know that it is against city ordinance to walk in the left half of a crosswalk? An ordinance that makes sense, can you believe it?! I don't think anyone has ever gotten a ticket for it, though. Wouldn't it be fun to see their reaction if they did get a ticket?

    And believe it or not, people used to push their carts ALL THE WAY BACK INTO THE STORE, once upon a time. Now they can't even get the cart to one of the many racks sprinkled throughout the parking lot.